I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
