Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
