also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
