Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
