True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
