So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
