i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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