He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
