I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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