My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
