just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
