He told me they were just razor bumps!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
