What did we do last night that was yellow?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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