So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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