So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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