im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
