I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
