Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
