i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
