South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
