she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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