I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
