Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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