I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
