She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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