It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
