i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
