I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
