I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
