It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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