Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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