What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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