I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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