He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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