afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
