i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
