May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
