Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
