I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
