So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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