Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
