You really coming over, don't trick.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
