we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
