I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
