i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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