the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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