peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
