dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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