through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
