I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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