Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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