my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize