hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
