If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
MIDGETS
????
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
