my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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