cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
