I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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