cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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