he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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