she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
