So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
