I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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