My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
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Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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