Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
the liver wants what the liver wants
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
