I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I pour the whiskey from now on
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
