i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
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i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
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I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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