she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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