since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
