Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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