In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
