This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
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