So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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