I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
