dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
