JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
