I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
