I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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